It’s Wednesday, December 15, 2021. As I sit here thinking about Fr. Miller and how much I miss him, I know that he is in a much better place. I think of him often; as I have since my husband left and my life fell apart. He was not only my pastor; he was a friend, father, advisor, and confidant. I often wonder if I would have been able to save my marriage had he still been alive. Like my grandfather, I knew that he was one man that was genuine. He loved with no expectations. Knowing how caring and loving he was is why I am able to find peace in his rest.
As I watch the news daily, there are repeated stories about the increasing Covid cases, lives lost due to natural disasters, bloodshed and fatalities in our city streets at an alarming rate, and the incidents of murder suicide resulting from domestic related issues have become all too common. Fr. miller (Fred), like my grandfather was a gentle giant. I imagine that they would both be heart-broken at the state we are in today. It seems selfish to want someone whom I love to have to live in this madness. I can image, however, that FRED would have us doing work to somehow fix every one of these issues.
As I continue to listen to some of these depressing news stories, it confirms that we must do more to advocate for mental illness and the importance of mental health. I’ve seen posts referring to ANGER and RAGE being the reason for the increase in murders. While this may be true, many people become angry and do not resort to murder. Mental illness is behind the ANGER and RAGE when a person resorts to killing. When a person loses the capacity to reason, we cannot compare their behaviors to someone who is with rational thought. There was a gentleman on the news who recorded himself admitting to murdering his ex and vaguely gave his reasoning. He then went and murdered another ex and himself. He stated that they messed with his mental health. The hurt was apparent.
I believe there are levels to this shit. Everyone who suffers from mental illness will not resort to violence, just as every poor person will not steal. This man’s hurt came from a place of betrayal and frustration. Two failed relationships…his fault or not…if he felt betrayed, unloved, worthless, etc. Whatever HIS breaking point was took him over the edge. As a community of onlookers, instead of reaching out and helping the mentally afflicted, we look down upon them as if they are to blame for their feelings. Almost everyone has experienced love loss, betrayal, a break-up, etc. If we were truly in love it took time to heal. Some may have cried for days…some stayed in bed or didn’t go to work or school. If we did, we more than likely had someone to lean on who pushed us to get up and keep going.
In my younger years, a heart break was easier to get through because I had a support system. My grandparents, Fred, and a stable family. It was much easier to pull through when things were rough. Now my support system is limited. My children are grown with their own lives and my circle is smaller with limited resources. Now a heartbreak is far more difficult to get through; that extra push is missing as well as the other half of the support system is now fighting you…has switched sides.
If we take a person’s arsenal when they are already feeling defeated, we are essentially giving them the motivation to fight back; especially when we initiated the attack from the beginning. This man was probably frustrated and hurting from losing another relationship. Instead of supporting him and getting him help he was probably told to move on, get over it, etc. IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY! Let’s recognize that JUST GETTING OVER IT is not therapy. We must accept that mental health, if not addressed, can have damaging and life altering effects. It is our responsibility to love each other enough to help even when it makes us uncomfortable. I’m sick of going to funerals and hospitals. Many of us are not ok. Stop judging and thinking that someone is weak because they are hurting, or depressed, or anxious, or bipolar. It takes each and every one of us to save a life. Life is cruel enough. We don’t have to be cruel too.
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS
SUICIDE HOLTINE 800-273-8255
Dying to be Perfect 