Wednesday, December 22, 2021, there are just three days remaining until Christmas day. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to remain as positive and upbeat about the holiday as I would have liked. On a positive note, I haven’t been as negative as I normally am, and I also haven’t spoken negatively about the holiday as I usually do; for that I am proud. My mood has constantly bounced back and forth over the past two weeks. Between the weather, the lack of foot traffic in the malls, the aura around me and just everyday stresses, Christmas 2021 just hasn’t lived up to the hype.
After being in full COVID19 mode last year during Christmas, many thought that the holidays this year would be exciting. I was really looking forward to being with my family. At this point it looks like it may not even happen. There are so many things taking place that are beyond my control that my excitement for the holiday is not what it used to be. I am sure that many of us are weary from a lack of finances, being over worked, the inability to socialize with friends and family, lack of employment, and various other trials that we are faced with on a daily basis lately. With Christmas being the biggest holiday, most of us were looking to finally “breathe”. From the looks of things, that won’t happen.
I was planning to have my family/friends Christmas brunch for the first time since the separation. This was going to be my first gathering as a “single” person. I was excited about stepping outside of my comfort zone but afraid of failing. Things are quickly beginning to fall apart and that is affecting my mood. My son has contracted COVID and will not be able to come home for Christmas. Other things seem to be falling apart surrounding my vehicle and having to move; all of these things are affecting my mood.
Even when things are out of our control, we tend to allow them to take charge of our decision-making. We must identify the things that negatively affect our mood and do what we can to either avoid them or handle them in a positive way. I’ve failed miserably in the past; however, within this last week, I have managed to maintain some composure.
I feel myself slowly becoming unraveled each day as my family’s Christmas plans are quickly crumbling. I am tempted to cancel and simply stay home as I do every Christmas. Celebrating Christmas without all four of my children just seems wrong to me. This will more than likely be the last Christmas that we would have all been together. For many of us, Christmas 2021 was supposed to be a bounce back from 2019. Some haven’t seen their relatives since prior to COVID. When we are a people who crave human contact, the isolation adds to the issues we are already dealing with. For the pandemic to take such a dramatic turn when we thought we would be celebrating…now all of the financial issues etc., I feel like everything around me is falling apart. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to stay the course. As a whole, COVID has changed everything and has brought out some mental health issues in many people throughout the world.
Dying to be Perfect 