And just like that, Christmas is gone…another one in the book. After an absolute horrible week, today wasn’t bad. The dread of today had me crying myself to sleep last night. Longing for former traditions, not people, I thought about previous Christmases and memories made. Although things today did not go as planned, we had a great time.
As always, keeping busy allowed me to focus on something other than my current situation. My married/single relationship status has placed me in this holding pattern that I hate being in. It’s as if someone else is in control of my life and it is unnerving. How can I FULLY allow myself to love, and BE loved when I am technically still attached to another man? How can I plan for the next month, two months, year or beyond when I have no Idea what my marital status or financial situation will be then?
All of these questions circulate through my mind daily and the unanswered questions and reasons behind all that I’m going through, constantly send me into a state of depression. I’m in desperate need of stability. Two and a half years of no consistent routine, sustainable income or thriving relationship has truly taken its toll on me. My mental health has been declining recently, however, I am taking control in order to thrive in 2022. WHAT’S NEW FOR YOU IN 2022?
Dying to be Perfect 