And just like that, Christmas is over. That one day that everyone prepares for like no other…IT CAME AND WENT. Just like the holiday, so did my positive mood. The days leading up to Christmas 2021 were very similar to Christmas 2020. No matter how hard I tried to remain positive, negativity crept in. All I was able to focus on was my financial situation. The fact that I was struggling to keep a roof over my son’s head and get my truck out of the shop did not help the situation.
Today, nearly a week later, things are even worse. I am finally working again; I absolutely hate my job. I’m disgusted that I am yet again forced to accept a job just because I need one. This adds to my depression; making me feel devalued. Over thirty years in a field that I have given my all to, and I am resorted to accepting a low paying job and can barely care for myself. I am feeling a myriad of emotions; humiliation being only one. After a lifetime of not even sharing my feelings with anyone, to have to publicly ask for help in order to just make it for another month is hurting me. My friends are reaching inside of their pockets to assist me and my son while my still legally responsible husband is watching me struggle to survive.
Last night…this morning…this afternoon… just two hours ago…I almost didn’t make it. I truly was as a low point…looking in that tunnel…ending the heartache the humiliation and the bleeding from my heart. I realize that this just might take more than I thought. All I want is love. Why is that so difficult to come by? Now, I’m just wondering what I’m going to do…How I going to get through in 2022?
Dying to be Perfect 