What a whirlwind of a week! I am hurting, relieved, sad, astonished, frustrated, confident, excited and disappointed. To be clear, these feelings are all taking place simultaneously. Confusing right? Well not for me…someone suffering…battling depression and anxiety. In addition, if you remember, I’m an EMPATH a highly sensitive individual with the keen ability to sense what others around them are thinking and feeling. additionally, they often take on the pain of others at their own expense. As an empath, my heart constantly bleeds for the pain that others are going through but I can never again lose sight of my mental health.
In the past two weeks I have had to witness my friends and family suffer tremendous losses. All of these situations have been going on at the same time, and I hate to see the people I care about hurting. Within the same week one friend lost a sister and two cousins, another lost her mother within moments of speaking with her, another a cousin (the third or fourth due to gun violence during the pandemic). A close friend’s uncle was murdered. This same friend is just overcoming a battle with Covid. My oldest son has to fight alone because he resides in a different state. Because of my battles, he refrains from sharing when he is struggling, and this worries me. My youngest son lost his classmate to a fatal vehicle accident on his way to school; he struggles to hide his feelings. Because of our close relationship, I automatically know that he is hurting…again…another THING added to his box of disappointments. This has not only been a difficult Senior year for him; it has been a less than exciting high school experience. Finally, my best friend is recovering from her second battle with Covid. While trying to recuperate, she is caring for her son who too is ill. She is dealing with this when she needs to be focusing on her divorce hearing on Monday. I want nothing more than to be there to support her. One of my mentees is having a crisis and I am worried that she may have an additional suicide attempt. Mentally I am overwhelmed!
The negatives have greatly affected my mood. I have felt sad, worried and disappointed all weekend. These feelings and my reaction to them, bother me because I’ve been doing really well in spite of all that’s been going on. I feel that when I get down, I fail to do what is important, and that is encourage, motivate, and uplift others. This is the EMPATH in me. As much as I attempt, I find it difficult to focus on just me. My problems will never take priority over those I love. Yes, I am now focusing more on my mental health, however, I don’t see me ever being able to not put others first. This is especially true when it seems as though I am alone when I really need someone to be there for me. I am often left alone in my mess…my thoughts…my loneliness…my emptiness…the hole in my heart.
Th conflicting feelings come in when I am happy to see my friends succeeding. One has finally opened her restaurant. She has struggled for so long that her excitement keeps me excited. Another friend continues to pursue her designer handbag line and I am proud to see her successful. Another mentee who has been confused about her purpose is now in her season of success and I am proud to see her finally accepting her success and allowing God to use her. I love seeing others happy and living in their purpose. To watch the people whom I love, enjoy life and live as happy as they possibly can, makes me happy, and it allows me to focus less on the things I am still not achieving in my own life. You see, God calls us to uplift one another, not to compete with one another.
It is obvious that mental illness is a battle. It definitely is not black and white. There are good and bad days for me, and I imagine there are good and bad days for everyone. With me being an empath, it becomes more of a gray area because I always look at everything from both sides. I know that it is not easy for my family to deal with my lows, however, it places me in a position to advocate for the mentally ill from the perspective of being a family member and an actual individual with a mental illness. I have friends, co-workers and children who have suffered from various forms of mental illness. Some have dealt with their issues; some have not. With all of them I have been able to empathize with their situations from a personal standpoint from actually being in their shoes. What I do know is that all family and friends of those with mental illness need support as well. It is imperative that they understand how to navigate the stress of handling the fragile mind of an individual whom you love.
Remember, Mental Health Matters. It is ok not to be ok
Various Mental Disorders
Anxiety
ADHD
Insomnia
Addiction & Substance Abuse
Bipolar Disorder
Schizophrenia
PTSD
Suicide Hotline 800-273-8255
Dying to be Perfect 