It’s February 15, 2022, secularly known as SIDE PIECE DAY! Personally, I’ve never experienced it until now, but how in the world anyone could ever knowingly accept this type of behavior from anyone is beyond me. I add, however; there is no judgement from me. Everyone must do what makes them complete, I GUESS. So that I am clear, MY EXPERIENCE is that those who constantly claim to be interested always seem to disappear or have various incidents and obligations whenever there is a special holiday. It’s obvious that their time is being spent with who matters…the GIRLFRIEND they don’t have, or MAIN CHICK, etc. They text or call the next day with nonsensical excuses, insulting my intelligence. I would always think to myself, WOW, this is what people (men and women) go through and accept? I can’t imagine.
I began to realize that for many of the twenty-one years of my marriage, someone was my husband’s SIDE PIECE. Sometimes knowingly, and probably sometimes unknowingly. In addition, at some point, someone was probably mine. Either position is just as bad. Being anything other than the ONLY PIECE, the ONLY ONE that our mate wants and needs and us them, in my opinion, should be our only goal in a relationship. Anytime there are more than two people in a relationship and that third person is not God, the relationship is automatically unbalanced. Someone is destined to be unfulfilled. There are already too many other factors that keep couples from engaging in quality time together. Factors such as work, children, extended family, etc. What sense does it make for us to add the additional stress of another relationship to it? We can be our worse enemies at times.
Oftentimes, the idea as women to accept being the other woman and married women staying with cheating husbands, is generational or learned behavior. As little girls, we see our mothers accepting less than they should from men and end up mimicking the behavior. Likewise, Fathers are seen having children outside of their marriage and openly having extramarital affairs. Their daughters (daddy’s little girl) become that same woman who accepts that type of man. Our children emulate us. We wonder why The Family and Marriage fails…the respect for true, unconditional love has lost its meaning. I Peter says Aim yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. 2 As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 3 For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. 4 They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you. 5 But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 6 For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to human standards in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit.
For me, it comes down to knowing our worth. When we love ourselves, we begin to require more from relationships. More respect, more commitment, more honesty, etc. We no longer want to be the fourth person in the relationship. We begin to grow tired of getting only one of the days out of the holidays. A true loving relationship will have you with your mate on every day, that is possible for you TWO to be together, because every day is special. The dictionary defines worth as the value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration. 2 Timothy 1:7 says For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline. Men and women are placing their own value on us by what WE accept; how we carry ourselves. When we continue to engage in relationships with those who fail to meet our standards, we have reduced our value. When we focus on loving US first; and being confident that we are worthy of all things great, people see the God in us because we no longer lower our standards by accepting the copper penny. We wait around for the gold coin that God is preparing for us.
Showing our worth will increase our value. I had to learn this slowly and am still learning and growing day by day. What I do not want I will not accept, and I must be the woman equal to the man I want. Knowing our worth means we are Kings looking for Queens, not princesses, and Queens looking for Kings, not princes. If we are struggling as women, why are we with men who are not paying, protecting and providing but continuing to LAY UP? God said we are worthy of more because he gave us power and discipline. The more I focus on my mental health, the clearer things become. Full and complete love are no longer an option from any relationship. It shouldn’t be an option for any one of us.
How was your Valentine’s Day? Did you celebrate it yesterday or do you have to wait until today? You know what God says your worth is, but what is your value? Set your own price. Don’t allow others to determine it for you. Just because your mom was a dime doesn’t mean you have to be one. If you are a silver dollar, break the curse. Get therapy for your family so that your children can be gold coins. Let’s all increase each other’s value because after all, there’s not a price too high when it comes to unconditional love.
Defy the Stigma
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS
Dying to be Perfect 