When I started a family back in 1998, my vision was to raise five God-fearing, responsible citizens with the assistance of my husband. I envisioned that they would marry and raise families of their own, and we would all celebrate and love on one another forever. Our plans are not always God’s plan.
As I sit here now, in 2022, twenty-four years later; Nothing that I have planned has worked the way that I hoped. Since my marriage has failed, I began to feel that the possibility of what I had envisioned for my family is impossible. The relationships between my children and husband are estranged. This fact breaks my heart. We no longer celebrate holidays or special occasions together. Today will be simply another time when we fail to place our issues aside and celebrate.
In less than twenty-four hours, I will be a grandmother again. I am both excited and nervous. I’m disappointed that I am unable to be with my child as she brings life into the world. My first born, my first female love. My perfect Christlyn; my Pooda. I knew for sure that she would never have a child before marriage. My marriage ruined that for her. The devastation from the disappointment has her bitter towards marriage. My heart hurts that my failure may prevent her from experiencing something as wonderful as marriage.
I continue to wait, wonder, pray, and thank God. I wait to hear what is going on and how things are progressing at the hospital. I wonder if she is ok. I know that she’s used to calling me so I can be informed; I am nervous. I pray that everything turns out great and I have a health grandson, and a happy and healthy daughter. Most of all, I thank God for NEW LIFE within my family. My God is replacing what he has taken. I have realized that I must trust His plan. Even if things do not happen the way that we intend, we cannot give up. We have to accept that God’s plan is better than ours. By continuing on my course, I am looking forward to a beautiful life with my new family. It may not be the family I planned, but it is the family that God has planned for me.
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS !!
Dying to be Perfect 