Thank you, Lendora for sharing this with me. It was absolutely beautiful.
You see, for my entire life, my being an empath has caused me to struggle with this very thing. Maybe it was not having ANY of my father and not ENOUGH of my mother that caused my empathy. I don’t know…are we born WITH IT or INTO IT?
All I know is that ever since I can remember, I have had all of this love inside of me, but there never seemed like anyone was around to give it to or I was giving them more of it than I received. My question was never “CAN you love me” but rather “WHY CAN’T YOU?”, or “WHY WON’T YOU?”, or “WHY DON’T YOU?”. I could never understand how any parent could knowingly not nurture a child that is biologically theirs. Even now, at fifty, I have my moments when I wonder why my father refused to love me and why my mother seemed to never want me around. I knew it was possible to truly be loved, because my grandfather showed it. I vowed to love the way I wanted to be loved. My loyalty and commitment to my friends is out of love. I love hard and I want it reciprocated. I believe that’s what love is.
In this video, TD Jakes says No. Not all of us have the same capacity to love. A stark reality! As much as it hurts, I have to accept that if all my father can do is be a part of my life consistently for two months every three years, then I have to make the best of it. That’s all the love that he has in him. If my mother believes that spending money on ballet, braces, Catholic school, and summer camp, swimming and horseback riding meant more than she and I spending time together as mother and daughter, who am I to tell her that wasn’t her best effort at motherhood?
We can only love based on what we have in our fountain. A person cannot fill your ten-gallon container if they only have a pint of love to pour into you. As much as I try to not open my heart, it is impossible. It’s simply a part of who I am. Although I want to not give love again, open my heart, and give the disloyalty that is given to me, I keep reminding myself of MATTHEW 7:12 In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the law of the prophets. Attempting to live by this, I do all I can, oftentimes unsuccessfully, to treat people the way I want to be treated. In order for us to be successful at this, we cannot allow the inability of others to fill our containers or cause us to fail to put forth the effort to pour into someone else,
At some point, in order to regain peace and find the ability to move on, I came to the realization that the love or lack of that others are pouring is all they have to give; however, I understand that God will ensure that my container is filled with love fully and completely, the way I deserve. I simply had to learn patience and trust in God and the have the humility to meet people where they are.
We have to stop doubting our worth based on someone else’s value on us. Understanding this, we don’t have to ask, or wonder Do You Love Me? We know that whomever the question is posed to, they love us from the source they have, with what they have and that is all that matters.
Dying to be Perfect 