As the Easter Season continues, I still find it difficult to Spring into the season because of the temperature. Although the sun is bright and inviting, the cold makes me want to remain inside waiting for the temperature to rise. When I look at the calendar, it’s unbelievable that in a couple of weeks it will be May. Where is the time going? Why are the days, weeks, and months moving so quickly? It’s as if everything is changing except for the weather.
Yesterday, I suddenly realized that the month of April is nearly over. I panicked, realizing that Noah’s prom is next month…deposit for college due…Senior farewell…graduation. All of these things seemed far away. We’ve been discussing them since the Summer and now I’m in panic mode. There is so much to do at once yet limited time and resources. How did things become so last minute when I prepared so far in advance? THE WEATHER…I lost focus because it simply doesn’t feel like Spring. When we are used to certain routines, it is easy for our brain to operate on auto pilot. When something in those routines change, it can throw the entire routine off. This has been the struggle for many of us during the entire time of COVID. Now, as I regain my focus, I have to gradually resume pre-COVID activities in order to prevent triggering my anxiety.
In less than two weeks we will have to decide where Snickerdoodle will begin the next phase of his life. What should be a time of celebration has been a period of extreme anxiety. My Snickerdoodle never seriously fathomed attending college. His entire elementary and middle school years were a struggle for he and I. I seriously doubted that he would make it past twelve living in my house. With all that he had been through, for him to even think about college melts my heart. The college acceptances that Noah has received has boosted his confidence; yet he has remained humble. Who would have thought that the little black boy who went to a predominately white elementary and middle Catholic school and was one of three black boys in his class could do this? This is my Noah!!!! My Snickerdoodle!!! I knew he could, but they thought that he couldn’t. Always in trouble and blamed for something…he was in trouble in school and at home.
Who would have thought that after being expelled from St. Michael’s in the seventh grade, separated from his friends and no support; actually, cast aside, would rock high school? The little black boy, now a young black man, accepted to some of the best colleges in the country while facing some life altering challenges… Who would have thought that college was even in the cards for this black boy from a struggling family? Who would have thought that this black boy who attended a predominately black high school in the worst part of Baltimore City (St Frances Academy) would receive merit-based college acceptances and scholarships to colleges and universities such as ODU, TSU, Morehouse, Hood, UMES, Michigan State University, GSU, and various other top institutions? I did. I thought that little black boy could do anything…could be anything. They made him feel that he couldn’t…that he wouldn’t.
Giving up on that little black boy was never an option, because in my hurt and lack of self-worth, that little black boy did not give up on me. These past years have taught me that God makes things new. He made Noah new. He made me new. He gave us a new joy that no one can steal. This little black boy…MY little black boy can be and will be whatever he wants to be. He will not stop here. I pray that he knows that the traumas have come to prove so that HE CAN. God can do all things and He enables us to do all things. Moving throughout the remaining days, we’ll stay focused on the tasks at hand and not lose sight of the fact that Spring is truly here in order to get this little black boy off to a great start mind, body, and spirit.
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!! Defy the stigma of Mental Health!
Dying to be Perfect 