Feeling is believing

Another morning I’m sitting here trying to get out of bed. I’ve literally been on the side of the bed for thirty minutes trying to get up. I have a plethora of things to do before noon, but I literally cannot move. My mind has processed what needs to take place, but my body is frozen. I am literally in pain. Nearly everything on me is hurting. I have been to every doctor, had every test ran, and they all give the same diagnosis…DEPRESSION, ANXIETY AND STRESS CAUSES PHYSICAL PAIN AND CAN CAUSE THE BODY TO BREAK DOWN. Mentally, I am slowly regaining control of my life. I am feeling better, although I have some bad days. However, physically, I feel as if I am falling apart day by day. I thought I was going crazy when the doctors were saying that there is nothing physically wrong. When my therapist confirmed what the doctors told me, I thought he was crazy. My prayer partner who happens to be a retired nurse said the exact thing the doctors did. I now know that something must give. If my situation does not change, my physical health will only decline, and my quality of life will continue to suffer.

Trying to work through all that is going on (moving, college decisions, finances, transportation, divorce settlement, employment, attorney, medical, managing my mental health, keeping my platform up and running, focusing on my faith, making sure my family is functional and simply LIVING) is all stressful in itself. Trying to prioritize these areas would be simple for the average person. I am not average. Anyone battling mental illness is not average. All of these stressors will have a different effect and have had an adverse effect on my physical well-being. Most recently, I’ve been diagnosed with TMJ temporomandibular joint dysfunction. As a result of this disorder, I have unrelenting headaches, neck and shoulder pain, can barely open my mouth at times, and I am losing enamel from grinding my teeth.

When someone is going through this type of situation, those who haven’t experienced it can sometimes tend to make light of it and blame the victim. They refer to the person as always complaining, being a hypochondriac, or often, we are called weak, or dramatic. We are accused of making excuses, blaming others, etc. I find that this usually comes from people who are either narcissistic, have never REALLY been through anything major, or those who simply believe that mental illness is different from a physical illness. The bottom line is that the physical pain associated with mental illness is real. Many, not all, people who have major health issues have dealt with some serious traumatic experiences, even if they never realized it or never received a diagnosis. As with myself, the pain usually goes on for an extended period of time before treatment is sought, at which point, untreated, has caused other major issues. The earlier we get to the root of the problem, the sooner we can solve it and have a better outcome.

I have a great team of doctors who are working with me to get to a point where I am pain free and have a great quality of life. Unfortunately, there are things out of my control that cause me stress such as my divorce papers not being signed and my financial situation. Because these issues continue to exist, they trigger my anxiety and remain a part of my inability to physically heal. Through prayer, both personal and intercessory, I know that God will fix this situation, therefore I will not lose faith. There are several places throughout the Bible where God references mental health. For example, Mental health is linked to the health of both the body and the spirit. We have a biblical example in Elijah, whose mental health suffered during his conflict with Queen Jezebel. Elijah fled the country to a place by himself where he wished to die (1 Kings 19:4). God dealt with Elijah’s physical needs first, feeding him and giving him time to sleep (verses 5–6). God knew his journey was “too much” for him in his current state (verse 7). After Elijah had rested and recharged physically, God gave him encouragement, a new purpose, and an assistant (verses 15–18).

Finally, what I have come to realize is that the lack of caring for our mental health and not necessarily old age, causes many physical ailments. Moreover, the stigma associated with mental health is what prevents many of us from being treated for our physical ailments. If God references the association between the mind and body, who are we to believe that it is real or unimportant? Like everything else, we have to see things from a different perspective in order to ever experience change. As I always say, when we think better, we feel better because a healthy mind leads to a healthy body. So, for those who still don’t get what is truly going on with those of us who are suffering from the effects of mental illness, all I can say is Stop Judging! On the outside maybe the pain we are suffering is unfathomable to you, but remember, one day, it just might be you, and seeing is not always believing. Sometimes feeling is believing too.

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!! Defy the Stigma of Mental Illness!!!