As we come to the last couple of days of Mental Health Awareness Month, I reflect on all that has transpired over these past weeks. All I can say is WOW! All that has taken place, and still, I am standing. I am bent, relieved, thankful, crying tears of joy and pain, frustrated, anxious, disappointed, proud, angry, fearful, determined, and many other feelings I cannot even explain. Most important of all, by the grace of God, I AM STANDING.
Throughout this month of May, I have done what I could to focus on improving my mental health, while also checking in with those who I know are dealing with issues of their own. As I always state, I will never focus on JUST ME no matter how angry or frustrated I get because as an empath, that is simply not in my make up. I do, however, constantly find myself repeatedly regressing to a place of isolation and loneliness, because I simply want people to be better friends, better family, be more loyal and compassionate. I expect people to be decent and honest; to be better communicators and to be mature. I expect people who say that they are Christians, to forgive and treat others as they would want to be treated.
Suddenly we are on Day 29, and I realize that I am wanting and caring more for people than they want and care for themselves. I care for, am more loyal to others than they are to me as always. That’s simply me. This is usually the character flaw of an empath. I am loyal to a fault and always end up with the hurt feelings. It is ok though, because I will not shrink myself or diminish who I am so that others can feel better about who they are.
One important thing that I have learned on this journey to a better mental health is that the mental health issues many people struggle with come from their need to be accepted. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted; however, some do not love and accept themselves. Because of this, there is extra effort placed on trying to fit in with the crowd, have the same beliefs and looks, etc. Many are afraid to stand up for what they believe if it differs from what is popular due to the fear of being isolated or rejected. Trying to pretend to be someone else, these people are stressing themselves out trying to keep up financially and stressing themselves out trying to please people who don’t truly care about them, causing their own mental health issues; real, yet self-inflicted.
Insensitive to this are those who “think” can do it on their own. Those who are Mr. and Mrs. Independent. I call those the I DON’T NEED NOBODY’s. It’s crazy to me that the main people who say, “I can do it alone”, “I don’t need anybody”, “nobody pays my bills”, “why didn’t you call me” are the main ones who always have help or are never available when someone calls on them. They main people to always look down on someone else’s situation. People fail to realize that we all need someone. We were not created to be alone. During this PANDEMIC, being in quarantine for many people has exacerbated what may have been a self-controlled mental illness. In my case, I was often lonely and sad (unknowingly depressed). The abandonment coupled with my surgery and isolation, loneliness’, losing my circle of friends, etc. definitely brought my mental health full circle.
Today, on this beautiful Sunday, May 29,2022, I am actually grateful to be so much further in my journey. I am more understanding of who I am regarding my mental health. I am more determined than ever in breaking the cycle in order to ensure that my children and grandchildren have better opportunities for happier and healthier lives than what I had. I am determined than ever before to continue to have my own voice and fight for those who have no one to fight for them; I realize that I too, am one of them that no one is fighting for.
Finally, I continue to be ok with knowing that some days, I will not be ok, and that is ok; because feeling lonely when friends are disloyal, being sad when there is no one to count on, being hurt when a so-called friend leaves because of a petty disagreement or being disappointed and heartbroken over a death or lost love are all things that are normal. These things are all a part of life and they hurt and cause grief because in reality I am honest about who I am. I am not afraid to admit that I cannot get through this world alone. I need someone who I can count on through it all; we all do. We all need someone, and we all need to get to a place where we can look at ourselves in the mirror and admit it.
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!! Defy the Stigma!
Dying to be Perfect 