What a week! Sometimes I just don’t even know if I can believe what has been happening in my life. If I didn’t know better, I’d think God was punishing me. I am simply trying to remain faithful, knowing that this too, is a test. After one hurdle, surely another awaits; yet I still praise Him. Good, bad, and everything in between…I Praise Him.
A flat on a brand-new vehicle, moving again…the third time within three years…with no money. After recently managing to avoid eviction just six months ago, I am devastated to have still been evicted…I am literally stuck. I do all I can to fight not staying in bed. Getting up each day, encouraging myself, is a feat of its own. I have not been able to reach my therapist, and the back-ups are no longer available. This life, I did not ask for, yet, still, I find myself in this unchartered territory as if I am in a boat, stranded alone at sea, yet, still, I praise him.
I cry, I lose my patience and temper, I lose control and get angry. My flesh becomes weak; for I am frustrated, hurt, sad, and pissed off…I AM HUMAN! When the anger subsides, I dry my tears, straighten my crown, and I remember who I am, where I’ve been, and what I’ve overcome. I am then reminded that God will do it again like He did it in the past. There are several of my friends who are going through my situation. Some are in their situations for the same reason I am, some different; nonetheless, the fact remains, there are many of us struggling. But still, I remember Isaiah 57:15 “For this is what the high and exalted One says – He who lives forever, whose name is holy “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.”
While I am doing absolutely all I can to remain sane, positive, mentally and physically healthy, being encouraging, productive and loyal to my family and friends, and most importantly, faithful to God’s word, I can’t help but to become disheartened, sad, and disappointed in myself for still not being able to recover…for feeling as if I have allowed this trauma to beat me. Although I am still in pain, although I am still suffering, feeling anger, and I am still stressed because of limited financial resources, I continue to praise God! I praise Him because I know that He will get me out of this. I don’t know how or when, but as always, it will be just in moment that I need Him.
Through my pain, I still pray for those going through. I pray that they remain encouraged; knowing that God has a greater purpose in their life. As difficult as it may get, know that He did not bring us this far to leave us, and if we continue to work on maintaining a healthy mind and focusing on becoming a healthier version of ourselves, our relationship with God becomes better, relationships with one another become healthier, and The Kingdom of God comes full circle. IT STARTS WITH US.
No matter how painful the hurt, no matter how dark the road, and no matter how tired I may become, I simply remember. I remember when God was the one who made my pain a little more bearable, when He was the only light on that dark road, and most of all, I remember when He was the voice in my ear to tell me to continue to go on. For this, I STILL PRAISE HIM!
YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!!!
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Dying to be Perfect 