Sixteen shootings, seven of them fatal, occurred over a span of three days. This Summer alone, here, in Baltimore City, there have been more than sixty-seven murders. This is heartbreaking to me. Men, women and children of various ages, races, and ethnicities are losing their lives in our city streets. While the politicians and we, the community members, point fingers, nothing is being accomplished to stop the bleeding. What can we say if we aren’t actively participating in the change?
When the world is in a state of confusion, it affects us all; therefore, no matter where we are in life, we must continue to do what we can to participate in the change we want to see. Someone assisted us in order to get where we are. Not one of us is successful because we achieved anything alone; we must stop lying to ourselves, thinking that we don’t need people. When we donate to a cause for drug rehabilitation, youth advocacy, community development, mental health services, etc. we are participating in, and doing our part to make a change. When we attend walks or encourage our youth to participate, we are taking part in the change. When we tell our stories, to break the cycle; seek therapy for our trauma, we are participating in the effort to make a change. When we encourage our youth to seek therapy for their trauma, WE ARE TAKING PART IN THE CHANGE we want to see.
As Christians, we oftentimes refer to prayer as a solution for all problems. When prayer doesn’t fix or solve what we think that it should, many of us think that God has forgotten us or that prayer is wasted time. The truth is, I don’t know where I would be without my prayer life, faith, and church family…where I would be without God. As a Catholic, I was taught to pray and work. Being educated in Catholic Schools, volunteerism and giving back was instilled in me. My church, St. Bernardine in Edmondson Village, is very active in the community. My pastor constantly speaks about prayer and works. For these reasons, I am a firm believer that collectively we must do more than pray in order to enact change. Talking, praying, and complaining, alone does nothing without putting hard work behind it. God requires us to not only pray, but work. James 2:14-26 14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. It is time that we work together in order to resolve the issues that plague our city…our countries…our world.
With all of the issues that are surrounding our youth today, the work we put in must involve HELPING to save them, not waiting for them to save themselves… The youth are our future. If we fail them, we FAIL, period. When we think of what our children and grandchildren will have left if this world continues on its current path, it breaks my heart. We Need Change! The change must begin with breaking the cycle...the cycle of generational mental illness…families throughout the world being ripped apart by years of undiagnosed and untreated mental illness. Some Psychologists believe that” many of the actions our youth are enacting stem from unresolved trauma or the need to survive”. Psychology Today says, “With teen pregnancies, the murder and divorce rates on the rise among various other issues, the family unit is drastically changing”. The dynamic of relationships, loyalty and overall support of one another is essentially nonexistent. As a result, the mental health of our youth and young adults is being negatively affected. Many of our children are being parentified. Parentification is described by psychologists as parent/child role reversal. Unfortunately, many pre-teens and teens are parentified due to death, divorce, drug addiction, mental illness, etc., constantly leaving them in survival mode.
Oftentimes, our children become victims due to no fault of ours. We cannot always protect them from what will happen in life; however, we can ensure that they receive the help that they need in order to heal from their trauma. My son was a victim of parentification as a result of my husband’s abandonment. It was an eye opener for me into how important it is to “break the cycle.” Having to see us financially struggle (oftentimes no food), witnessing me physically and mentally ill, in pain, not being able to work, Noah became my caregiver. He felt that he had to suddenly, at fourteen, become the ‘man of the house’. While he should have been enjoying his high school years, he was caring for the person who should have been caring for him. Noah, already a person of little words, displayed his feelings through his behavior. Our relationship became much closer; yet he also became more defiant. Noah began to express his lack of respect for his father. The anger with his father was apparent in his actions and words. Kaitlyn, being a daddy’s girl, took her anger out on me; still attempting to see the good in him. I had a difficult time attempting to shed the guilt knowing that my adult issues had done this, unintentionally to my children. The sad part is, when I saw how Noah’s being my caregiver was affecting him, his dad minimized it, repeatedly stating “he has to grow up. that’s what we raised him to do”. Our children should not have to play adult roles in our absence when it is due to our negligence.
Trying to heal ME while worrying about the mental health of my babies has been extremely mentally and physically tiring. I do all I can to stay busy, which is difficult. Keeping an eye on Noah who has nothing but free time (baseball is over and no work) while waiting to leave for school, is a difficult task. I want to allow him to be a teenager, yet without lowering my standards and still enforcing my rules. In addition, because we are still dealing with financial struggles from the separation, I have to watch his movements; check his mental. I know firsthand that it is sometimes easy to hide our true emotion; therefore, I attempt to do what I can to prevent my children from repeating my mistakes…attempt to enact change…break the cycle.
Our youth will never have a better life than us without knowing the dangers to avoid and the potential results of their choices. Secrets builds walls; we need to break down barriers. Without speaking with them about the possible detriment to their physical and mental health and our childhood mistakes and challenges, our children have no chance for a promising future. Change for the future requires transparency of the past. If we raise the standards and enforce policies requiring respect and hard work and address the mental health issues in addition to the circumstances surrounding them, I am confident that we will be surprised at the positive outcome.
Our responsibility to our youth is to not only to complain about what they do and pray for a change…a better tomorrow…but to work to actively participate in the change. We need to be transparent. My transparency is my way to take responsibility in the part I played in my children’s mental health issues. Both our actions and inactions play a part in the mental health of others; We must realize that as parents, we have been neglectful not only in caring for our mental health, but also the mental health of our children. If we do not accept responsibility for our part and become transparent about who we REALLY are, our children will never feel comfortable about who they are, and we will never be able to break the cycle. When we don’t break the cycle there are more likely to be negative results. The following information is per CDC data:
- More than 1 in 3 high school students had experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in 2019, a 40 percent increase since 2009.
- In 2019, approximately 1 in 6 youth reported making a suicide plan in the past year, a 44% increase since 2009.
- The consequences of failing to address adolescent mental health conditions extend to adulthood, impairing both physical and mental health and limiting opportunities to lead fulfilling lives as adults.
Further CDC data states “emotional disorders are common among adolescents. Anxiety disorders (which may involve panic or excessive worry) are the most prevalent in this age group and are more common among older than among younger adolescents. It is estimated that 3.6% of 10–14-year-olds and 4.6% of 15–19-year-olds experience an anxiety disorder. Depression is estimated to occur among 1.1% of adolescents aged 10-14 years, and 2.8% of 15-19-year-olds.” Depression and anxiety share some of the same symptoms, including rapid and unexpected changes in mood. Studies also show that teens suffering with mental illness are more likely to engage in risky behavior. ” Some important determinants include the quality of their home life and relationships with peers. Violence (especially sexual violence and bullying), harsh parenting and severe and socioeconomic problems are recognized risks to mental health.
- Teenagers are only using condoms about half the time when they have sex,
- Nearly 30% of surveyed students last year said they currently drink alcohol
- Despite the legal age for alcohol consumption being 21, drinking and driving is a concern for teens in this age group.
In addition,” anxiety and depressive disorders can profoundly affect school attendance and schoolwork. Social withdrawal can exacerbate isolation and loneliness. Depression can lead to suicide. ” With all that are children are facing it is clear to me that a healthy mind and mental health awareness is where the change should begin. We all can play a part. I have the desire to give something back. I WANT TO BREAK THE CYCLE. Our mental health issues have taken a toll on our children. In a world where the bare minimum is expected and low standards are accepted, our overall mental health has been taking a beating. The standards that were lowered years ago, combined with the poor educational system and leadership, has all began to climax. Leadership is steadily lowering standards to bandage the problems rather than investing in the long-term solutions to correct them.
In my opinion, I believe that an investment should be made in mental health resources! Our youth are worth saving. If we don’t break the cycle and address their mental health issues, we continue to dig deeper holes. Today’s Youth are Tomorrow’s Leaders. If all we do is complain worry and pray, we have to hold ourselves accountable for failing to do some of the work to help them along the way. The change that we want to see is in us.
Mind, body, spirit
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!! Defy the Stigma!
Dying to be Perfect
You are never alone 800-273-TALK
Dying to be Perfect 