A few days before Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. I’m sitting here watching Mass online. When I got up this morning, my intention was to go to church, but the way I feel…so, here I am… AGAIN. Struggling to find the strength to make it. It is, and always has been easy for me to do for others; motivating and encouraging them is easy. Getting myself started with all that surrounds me is nearly impossible. This is what drives me. I know that it is what God wants from me…to serve others; therefore, I worry about my friends even when I have problems of my own. When I am in need I give, I still find a way to help others when I need help. This is what empaths do; yet we always find ourselves feeling alone with no one to help when we are in need.
For this reason, I find myself sitting here, on this Sunday, August 28, 2022, in pain. I am literally, barely able to move. I have managed to peel myself from the sheets and get dressed. I manage to eat (there are times that I cannot), however, the past few days have been an extreme challenge when it came to leaving the house. Not being able to reach my friends concerns me. To know they are suffering from the same things I am pains me; yet in my pain, I am driven that much more to encourage others to speak out about the seriousness of mental illness. I accept the sufferings that God has placed upon me in order to fulfill the purpose of bringing awareness to others about the importance of suicide and mental health awareness.
I chose to discuss this today because I’ve really been doing a great deal to remain in a better place. Because I have no control of the things that are happening, I’m frustrated, and it fuels my anxiety and depression. When things are out of my control, it increases my levels of stress. Going through my healing process, I’ve learned how much the physical and mental health work together. The higher my stress level, the more pain I am in, the more depressed and anxious I become due to whatever the situation may be. This is real. All of the pain on top of the depression and loneliness, if not treated, can result in suicidal thoughts among other unhealthy behaviors.
This thought frightens me; therefore, transparency is imperative for me. I urge others to be transparent as well. As my minor aches and pains have quickly turned into major problems I have spent tons of time and money seeing specialists for second and third opinions and receive the same answers…STRESS…DEPRESSION. As I check on my friends who are dealing with issues, it pains me to hear that they too, are sick, have ulcers, back or leg pain, shoulder pain, headaches etc.
They too, are suffering from anxiety, depression; have diagnosed bipolar disorder, are battling alcohol and drug addiction, crippled due to sexual dysfunction brought on by depression, etc. Hearing the hurt, sadness, frustration, loneliness, and the anger in their voices saddens me. Some want to give up…are tired of fighting…keep asking why…they let the phone go unanswered…won’t respond to messages…They want to speak, but they don’t because no one will understand…My heart hurts for them…I accept my suffering. My suffering allows me to feel the hurt of others in order to reach them so they know the importance of what everyone is afraid of…so many are hiding from…that we can’t talk about…that is keeping us from breaking the cycle.
My suffering is for those I love who are also silently suffering…Suffering with depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses resulting from the generational secrets and unresolved traumas that are secretly shaming them. My suffering is to serve as a testimony to others that God can make what the enemy planned for evil to work out for good. Hearing hurt and pain in others drives me to educate, inform, motivate and encourage and it gives me purpose when I see that others are progressing. I am able to take the focus off of my ever-growing, never-ending problems.
To all of my friends that are going through, I empathize with you. I encourage you to not give up. You are going through what you are going through because God is showing you how amazing He is…that He is capable of miracles. There is someone else that went through or is going through the exact thing you are. They will not make it to tell how God got them through, because their lack of faith did not allow them to keep fighting. Your faith is what will keep you holding on. God has given me another chance at life to tell YOU to HOLD ON. You are in this storm to fulfill the purpose God has on your life. All of the stress from your marriage, your financial struggles, your addiction, the problems with your kids…He’s fixing it. The physical and mental abuse from your partner and kids, the depression…everything…GOD’S GOT IT.
This storm you are in is almost over. God has been using ordinary YOU to do extraordinary things. You see, in our hurt and struggles, God is trying to get our attention and show us that we can’t forget others who need us. Often, I hear” you need to worry about you”. I CAN’T. Some of us are simply made this way. This speaks about who we are. This is why we take hurt so deeply. We, as empaths, cannot change the depth of our feelings any more than a narc can change being who they are. I implore you. Don’t try to stop being you. Don’t stop loving, giving, sharing, wanting, or needing. WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH HAS TAKEN YOU FROM ORDINARY TO BE IN POSITION TO DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS. You are AMAZING. God loves you exactly how you are, and He will continue to heal your broken pieces. Simply continue to have a mind and heart like Christ and He will fix everything else.
I have wholeheartedly experienced the love that God has for me because of some of the things he has brought me through. Some people will never know how it feels to have someone save their life. No matter what people say or do to discourage you, DO NOT GIVE UP! Things will get better. Continue to walk in your purpose and pray for encouragement to speak your truth and be unapologetically you so that you may do extraordinary things for the people of God
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Dying to be Perfect 