Wow! Maryland weather never disappoints. It, like mental illness, never ceases to amaze me. A person can go long periods of time without having any problems, then out of nowhere, for various reasons, they can fall into a dark place. That’s where I am today. After being in a wonderful place for over a month, and having a great day yesterday, I feel horrible today. I am in physical pain, and I am mentally overwhelmed. The two of these things combined has me feeling out of sorts and mentally unwell.
Just as we sometimes have to adjust medications, treatments, etc. with a physical illness, the same goes for mental illness. With some things going on in my personal life, my busy schedule, dating, hormones, etc. certain things may affect my mood. I continue to communicate through my platform in order to encourage others. I know that each day will be different. I am blessed at the end of every one of them.
Although I was unable to make it to church today, I did tune in online. As always, my pastor’s word was on time. The Service was great, and my spirit is lifted. I spoke to a few of my followers who reached out to me, I spoke with a church member, spoke with my daughter and videoed with my Sweet Potato. Refusing to stay in bed, I put clothes in the washer, emptied my trash and cleaned my bathroom. These things are major for someone battling depression. It takes a great deal of energy to even do as little as go to the bathroom, but I have so much to do…I refuse to allow this fire that God has lit in me to die.
Tuning in to today’s service is what gave me the push I needed to get out of bed. I love that my pastor always speaks from the same place that resonates with my spirit. Although his delivery is different, from mine, our intentions are the same. We think very similar and our interest…the good of the church and community…is the same. I empathize with him, having to pastor a predominately black congregation. Our congregation has members who believe they have rights and entitlements as most organizations do. I can only imagine some of the agonizing things he’s had to endure (even I can be a doozy). It’s never easy having to lead behind someone else.
In my management work throughout the years, I have worked with, and among, people whom I couldn’t identify with because we came from different paths. Initially, I was in culture shock, yet I still attempted to help when and if I could. I have always believed in meeting people where they were, not judging them nor their situation. I was on the outside and only had a glimpse of their situation. Fr Rich, I believe does the same. He is living, worshiping, and serving among a culture of people who he attempts to lead. Admittedly, he is unable to identify with the ails of the church community nor the community in which he aims to serve. Still, he works to do so with a genuine heart.
This older Caucasian man chooses to reside in the heart of the inner-city; a crime ridden neighborhood in South Baltimore City. Not many Catholic priests, or otherwise, are volunteering to do that. I have personally benefitted from his genuine spirit and love during my mental health struggles. He has been a spiritual leader and friend. He has been a strong support for my son. Even with us not always agreeing, I respect his love for the church and his desire for change, the love for our youth, his ability to accept people for who they are, and his pure heart.
As I listened this morning to his homily, Fr. Rich took the words right out of my mouth. GOD DON’T MAKE NO JUNK. We all falter, I’m trying to remain faithful; though difficult, my heart is pure. I know that I am worthy because even after all that I have been through, I now realize that God accepts me as I am, without judgement, and he hears me. Fr. Rich, too, has heard me. I constantly do what I can in support of his efforts because supporting him is supporting my church community and the youth. He realizes that although he cannot relate fully as a black in a neighborhood engulfed in crime, he works tirelessly to interact with them. It is refreshing and spiritually uplifting that he desires to help those with problems he will never understand and challenges his congregation to do the same.
Today, he spoke about how belittling people and treating them differently can affect their mental health. I was proud as I watched. I have noticed the direction of his messages for a while now, focusing on being kind, understanding, forgiving, serving others, turning others away from God, and so many other areas that align with what I advocate for as a Christian. In addition, my viewpoint is from someone who suffers from mental illness, that of a mother, a leader, a former employer, employee, church member, daughter, parishioner, wife, adulterer, mother, enemy, sinner, catholic, black woman, but most importantly, human being.
We were reminded today that we have no right to judge, and that no matter our differences, we should be proud of who we are and what we stand for. We have to realize at some point that we are wonderfully and fearfully made. Today he stated that “God doesn’t make junk”. In addition, we should be proud of our purpose and not block the purpose of others. I am a testament that GOD DON’T MAKE JUNK. Through my egregious faults, He has refused to give up on me. God has continued to surround me with people who waters me to grow, and I am forever grateful and humble. This has been the topic of my platform for the past two years. There have been several times that my blogs have been the scripture readings and homily without my knowing. God is constantly speaking to me. He speaks to us all if we just listen
I knew that I could not allow depression to set in today. I made it over the hump! And I am glad that I did! Coming from Luke 19 1-10 Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2 A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. 3 He wanted to see who Jesus was, but because he was short he could not see over the crowd. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since Jesus was coming that way.5 When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” 6 So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly.7 All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.”8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”9 Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. 10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”, We all have our own purpose. Our purpose and God’s purpose may not be the same. We have to read the word and tune out the outside noise in order not to be distracted. When our mind is like Christ’s mind, we are able to think clearly and see that GOD DON’T MAKE JUNK.
Being in the place that I am mentally, I was able to turn my day around. This is major for me. This is why I encourage so many to seek treatment, speak with a therapist, a friend, use their coping skills, etc. Healing is important in order to see things from a clear perspective, not only to for self-preservation, but for the sake of others. I AM HEALED. I AM HAPPY. I AM AT PEACE. This does not mean that I won’t have a bad day. This simply means that this bad day will not control me or how I treat others. We are all entitled to bad days, but we’ll get through them because GOD DON’T MAKE NO JUNK.
Dani
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