A LETTER TO MY NARC

Dear Narccissist,

It’s a bit crazy that I find myself, a week after what would have been our twenty-fourth anniversary, still asking you for something. It seems as if I have forever been begging…pleading…asking you to do SOMETHING. Both during our marriage and since the day you walked out, I could never love you enough, and no matter how much you claimed you loved me, it was never enough to simply accept me for me. I had to seek your approval. You were slick and smooth about it though, the true Narc the entire time, but you hid it so well under the guise of being a great husband, father, family man and overall provider.

Little did I know that it would hurt me in the end. You slowly, unrelentingly stole my independence; accusing me of not being submissive because in your opinion, I was too independent. You wouldn’t accept that I was good on my own. You threatened to leave because I didn’t want marriage. Knowing that I wanted no more children, you pressed until I relented” I want a wife, not a girlfriend” you repeatedly stated. Still not enough, you insisted that we have children “together” even though I was finished with having children. I was happy where I was in life; however, you continue to create the narrative that I was looking for you to make me happy. Now I know that it was a part of your disarming me. Here I am again, asking for you to PLEASE LET ME GO!

I could use profanity, call you names, point fingers, fight…all of the things that you would expect me to do, because you know me so well. Normally you would be able to push my buttons…NOT ANYMORE. No longer will I allow you to trigger me enough to take me to that dark place I fought so hard to come back from. I have finally worked on me...my attitude...my anger. I simply ask that you LEAVE ME ALONE.! Stop pretending that you are not behind the scenes probing into my life…you and your miserable worker bees…hard at work, trying to harass me, manipulate documents and situations in your favor. I KNOW…I have seen you hard at work. Never would I have thought that you would be this vidictive toward me. Yet, you continue to do all you can to say that it is I who am doing wrong. No, IT IS NOT ME. IT IS YOU.

It is you, who has been heartless and cruel during this entire process. It is you, who lied to, EVERYONE, including our children, in order to save your own image while I continued to befriend you and do everything in order to keep this process peaceful. You say that you have not ever wanted to control me, yet, here you are, still preventing me from being DONE WITH YOU. I told you that all I wanted was for you to be happy. Nothing I did was enough…I WASN’T ENOUGH…NO ONE WILL EVER BE ENOUGH FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE PERFECT…ALWAYS HAVE BEEN…ALWAYS WILL BE. I let you go, now just do the same. Stop dragging out this process and let me be loved like you refused to love me. Leave me alone so that I can Finally have my HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Pay what you owe. Stop attempting to dump your bills that you left on me. Be a man for once and own up to what you have done. STOP APPEALING THIS DIVORCE. How can you spend so much time and energy in fighting me, but not fight for your family? You are proving that you are simply hateful. Just admit that you’ve always, hated that I was my own person with a mind of my own. This is your final attempt to control me. My only hope is that we both outlive the stress that this ordeal is causing…you are causing simply because you want to be hateful. I am truly praying for my strength, protection for my children and I as we continue to endure the financial struggles you continue to cause, and that the same God who saw us through the years of abuse we endured, will be the same God who softens your heart and opens your eyes to the mass destruction you have caused. Now, I respectfully ask that you LET THIS DIVORCE BE SO WE ARE ABLE TO RIDE THE REST OF OUR DAYS FREE FROM THE TRAUMA YOU HAVE CAUSED.

No longer under your control,

Dani