Consistently Inconsistent

The really horrible thing about narcissism, in my opinion, is that it slowly, over time, damages the confidence and beautiful spirit of some of its victims, usually, empaths. The lies that are told, games that are consistently played and manipulation tactics that are used, begin to wear away at the very core of its victims. The destruction that is caused in the numerous relationships is sickening. Consistently, it erodes at the very core of who its victim is, and in most cases, can be mentally debilitating to the point that therapy is often needed.

The stories from the victims of narcissistic relationships that I have heard about over the past four years has astounded me. They have made me realize that true healing is needed in this world. I have come to understand firsthand, that there are a multitude of people from all walks of life, who are hurting and in need of help. When I initially told my story, I was in the height of my brokenness. I was bitter, heartbroken, and ashamed. I felt alone and alienated. These feelings, and many others, enveloped me. I was lost and alone in a world of confusion and hopelessness, and the only consistency in my life was INCONSISTENCY. As I progressed and regressed, had many wins, yet more losses and simply became the pre-married version of me, I saw it.

As if watching the story of my life or listening to a book, the lives of so many others; men and women and the daily struggles, brokenness and loss of life…our youth…failing to reach their teen and adolescent years…I saw me…the younger version. Now, I see my children, godchildren, and the children of my friends. I see the many church members that I worship among. I hear the pleas and cries for help…for a better life. I hear, with my heart, their need for love, understanding, support, and someone who cares. MY HEART BREAKS. I hurt for them. All they need is direction, support and love. They need Consistency in a world of Inconsistency.

It is when I witness the hurt in them, that I realize that God has done an amazing thing in my life. Through my loneliness and hurt as a child, I can see in them, the need for love. Because of the love I received from my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and others who stepped up, I feel the need to do the same. I am convinced that God has saved me from myself in order to help save another. It is amazing how He uses us to speak life into others, that they may be saved. In the process, we are able to experience an amazing sense of peace. This peace has enabled me to identify with others, from all walks of life, who are hurting…broken…lost, and who simply have no hope. More than ever, I have unfortunately been able to identify with women, men, and children who are victims of abuse at the hands of a narcissist.

Directly, or indirectly, the drama and behind the scenes harassment that many of us victims of abuse have to endure, even after the relationship is over, makes me understand why so many victims remain in the relationships for so long. On the outside things seem to be simple. Often, it appears that it should be as simple as moving on. The behind-the-scenes aftermath that takes place is what no one understands. Not only does no one understand, no one cares. While those on the outside believe the lies of the narcissist, we suffer, simply trying to survive. Daily, I do what I can to survive, while I am constantly being harassed and my children and I are being financially abused. This, unfortunately, is the single CONSISTENT INCONSISTENCY in my life, and it continues to slowly, and constantly tear away at the cohesiveness of the relationship between my children and me.

The outside world consistently sees a compassionate, endearing, considerate and an amazing provider and protector…a family man. What actually takes place behind closed doors is a provider who demands to be acknowledged as such, a protector who reminds you that you need his protection, and someone who lacks compassion, and consideration for the feelings of those who love him. This CONSISTENT INCONSISTENCY is more than enough to weigh on the mind of anyone. This is why it is imperative that we use the tools of prayer, therapy/counseling and/or medication…whatever is needed, in order to heal from our traumas and live each day as our best selves.

Facing our traumas rather than pretending that they do not exist enables us to walk in the purpose that God has prepared for us. I realized long ago that consistency is a must when caring for my mental health. Letting go of anything that is CONSISTENTLY INCONSISTENT has been the best way to navigate the path in which God has laid out for me. I don’t have all things figured out. I will never forget the abuse that my children and I endured; however, I have figured out how to “Turn my Pain into My Prayerful Purpose,” and for that, I am grateful.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

WALK IN YOUR PURPOSE

BE A CYCLE BREAKER

I AM MY SISTER’S KEEPER

UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME

Mind, Body, Spirit

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!!

Defy The Stigma!

Dyingtobeperfecterfect.com

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