Living in a world where men want traditional women to do modern things, how can one not be confused? This question alone sounds ludicrous; however, this very thing is the trajectory that describes the ” family relationship” today. I am not speaking about the BLACK family, the CATHOLIC family, the Hispanic family…or any particular group, race, or nationality. I am speaking of the FAMILY UNIT as a whole. Men want the Traditional homemaker, while still expecting the more modern 50/50 woman. These same women are expected to be submissive, while paying half of the bills, taking care of the children, being cheated on, verbally abused, and treated as the hired help. This narrative is not isolated to the Black Family; however, the black family is far more affected; being the lowest percentage to marry and having the highest divorce rate.
Across America, the Traditional Family unit is not valued as it once was. Statistics show that less than fifty percent of couples in the U.S. married in 2022. Of the fifty percent, blacks were the lowest percentage to marry and the most likely to end in divorce. That is a powerful statistic! For me, it is sad and pathetic, and for all of us, it should be eye-opening. God gives us the Family unit as our way to express our love for Him, and his love for us. We are called to love one another as Christ loves us. Still, we continue to ignore God’s call, and refuse to stand firm in our faith, nurture our children and support each other as a community of believers. We refuse to acknowledge that failing to stand against the attack of the enemy, causes weakness in the foundation of our family unit. Eventually, the alienation, exclusion, loneliness, hurt, betrayal, etc. affects our mental spiritual, and physical health.
Defying the stigma of mental illness is essential to saving the lives of our children. Being transparent with our children and seeking therapy in order to openly discuss unspoken hurts and traumas allows healing and can break the cycle. HIDING…STAYING SILENT…gives us the ability to continue to ignore pertinent truths, resulting in our children repeating our mistakes and paying a higher price than we paid…DEATH. In essence, WE ARE KILLING OUR KIDS.
As a woman of God, I am VIRTUOUS. So many of us are. I realize that the word of God calls me to be a leader yet still honor my KING. As women, we are helpmates, not doormats. We are called to lift each other up. With churches on nearly every corner in our urban neighborhoods, the divorce rate in those areas is still extremely high. This, to me, is an indicator that we are failing to uplift one another, continually not supporting one another and we aren’t using our resources to keep our families strong, happy, thriving and more importantly, together. How can we be a people who quote Bible verses, yet not live according to those words? Moreover, how do we consciously refuse to attend church and fail to worship God when we are witnessing such destruction all around us? A writer states, “Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from Him“. He further states, “God created humans to live as a family unit. He knew that we would have many ups and downs in our family relationships, and He provided guidance and wisdom for every situation. No matter what you’re facing as a family, God wants to protect and bless your family.”
From my personal experience and what I’ve seen and heard from others, failed marriages are usually a result of the resources that God provides for us which usually go unused. Not asking for help, not seeking counseling; religious and professional for mental health and spiritual healing, not taking care of one another on an emotional level and caring for our physical health and failing to address our physical needs, etc. are tools that God provides for us that so many of us fail to use. Without using the available tools, we decrease our chances to thrive in happy, engaging, fruitful and mentally sound relationships. This in turn, causes us to breakdown our family and community relational units. We are KILLING OUR CHILDREN with our failure to love and maintain healthy relationships in church…at work…within our families…within our communities.
We, as women, must pray…be QUEENS…HELPMATES…and attempt to show the love of Christ to all we encounter. We must build one another. In doing so, we do not have to be DOORMATS…DOCILE…AND SILENT. We are called to be loving, leaders, genuine, serving, strong, courageous and compassionate…to have a heart of God. God has planted all of these things within each of us. He has also created us to love and value ourselves. With this comes the responsibility of being unapologetic about who we are and having a grateful heart. We must understand that our virtue is not in being popular, but in having pure intentions and a heart and mind of Christ. Our virtue …our worth…our value is never determined by MAN, but the Christ within us.
As women, the world expects us to be nurturing and loving while being verbally, mentally and oftentimes physically abused by the very men and children whom we are called to care for. We are often called crazy mean, etc. when we defend ourselves. Men are being supported by their families based on lies and false narratives while the women are left to struggle. Rather than break the cycle, we ignore the word of God and call the message negative...all while watching history continuously repeat itself…KILLING OUR KIDS…OUR FUTURE.
PROVERBS 31 1-31 “The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. 2What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? And what, the son of my vows? 3 Give not thy strength unto women, Nor thy ways to that which destroys kings. 4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; Nor for princes strong drink: 5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted. 6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. 7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more. 8 Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction. 9 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She rises also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 she considers a field and buys it: with the fruit of her hands, she plans a vineyard. 17 She girds her loins with strength and strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. 19 She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretches out her hand to the poor. Yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: For all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes fine linen, sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou exceed them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.“
Never have I seen this entire Proverb written. Usually it is only verses 30-31, when speaking of a virtuous woman of God. Men, for one, typically try to refer to this scripture when attempting to identify negative characteristics of low value women or women who are in their opinion, unworthy to be wives. This scripture is about the woman being Virtuous in morality, righteousness and excellence; not simply being chaste. The beginning verses are the woman telling her son how to be a King; the proper way to treat a woman who is to be his Queen. Society, however, would have us believe that women are not to raise their sons or show a man how to be a King. God created us with vision and purpose. Not being submissive to men who are unable to lead makes us smart women. We are to stand by them and guide with humility and care; however, many men today believe their wives are beneath them. Unfortunately, this mindset has destroyed marriages and familes; in essence, killing the hearts minds and bodies our our kids.
As women, it is time that we do more than follow men down a path leading to the further destruction of our family unit, relationships and communities. We must continue to be prayer warriors. We must stand against the enemy. We must listen to our children while still guiding them and leading them by example. When we lead our homes with integrity, morality, and discipline, we are virtuous. Lacking perfection…having flaws…does not remove our virtue. When we use the tools in which God gives us, we become empowered. Regardless of what society tells us, we are here as wives, to make our husband’s lives better, teach our children, and serve our community. We still have choices, however, and must never lose sight of the fact that serving others is what we are called to do. When we minister through our story, we break the cycle, change the narrative and begin to change lives for the better for the very children, families and communities God has purposed us to serve. I am a Proverbs 31 woman. I am virtuous. I am Turning My Pain into My Prayerful Purpose.
Dani
Mind, Body, Spirit
MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!!
Defy the Stigma!
SPEAK UP
UNAPOLLAGETICALLY ME
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
SAVE OUR FAMILIES
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