GET MY WINGS AND FLY

It is absolutely insane how, one minute, I’m planning the next phase of my life; the next, I’m back to where I started. It is simply unbelievable how all of this works. The physical pain…mental anguish…spiritual warfare and overall disbelief of it all, is truly astounding. All I can do is cry and pray…pray and cry. 

The pain has become overwhelming. The sleepless nights have turned into days. The thoughts of I CAN has turned into I NO LONGER WANT TO. The pain in my heart has manifested itself into the physical realm. My determination to succeed and press forward is no longer a simple task. It has become a seemingly impossible feat. I feel my light dimming. The light that shines within me…the light that usually shines bright for others, is flickering out. I have nothing to offer others now. The hope…where is it??? My joy, I feel it slipping away. My peace is being disturbed, by the hate of those who seek to destroy me. I feel that no one appreciates or deserves my love. As I continue to find a ray of sunshine on such a beautiful day, all I see, as I gaze out of my window, is nothingness. All I feel at this very moment, is nothingness. I feel empty. After all that God has poured into me, I have been depleted by the hate, abuse, misue, backstabbing, sabotage and character assassinations of this cold, cruel, and hateful world. Slowly, and intentionally, the evil has mentally, emotionally and spiritually bankrupted me to the point of sheer exhaustion. As a result, there is nothing left. All I continue to wonder is, “if I should just take my wings and fly“. 

Nothing in this world 🌎 could have ever prepared me for the pain I’m in. My heart continues to ache 💔 😢 😪 from the Rollercoaster 🎢 😢 💔 😪 😭 ride that my life has become. My life, my children’s lives, the lives of those I love, my happiness and my peace has been nothing but a game to this man for the past five plus years. The more at peace I become, the more he insists on disturbing it. The happier we are, the more he attempts to interfere. Using my children against me is the worst thing that a person can ever do. Lying to my children about me, having them questioning my integrity when they can see…MY GOD, MY HEART IS HURTING. Haven’t I been hurt enough??? Why is it that walking away can never be enough? IF I COULD JUST TAKE MY WINGS AND FLY, the pain would end. The feelings of disloyalty, confusion, and frustration would end. 

Why do they have to be disloyal, hateful and do all they can to hurt me? All I know is, I am really tired. My children are grown, and I no longer want to do this. Every win comes with another hurdle, yet, I’m really tired. I was tired yesterday, and the day before…I’M TIRED TODAY. I already know that I’m going to be tired tomorrow. I can’t stop wondering 🤔…worrying…praying and hearing God’s voice. I need to know if I should GET MY WINGS AND FLY.

Dani💋❤️

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