We Are Parents for LIFE

Happy Day 29 of Suicide Prevention Awareness month.

Speaking life into my son in his hurt, speaks life into me. I am thankful that the love for myself and my children gives me the strength to look forward to another day.

After seeing my son completely broken on yesterday, I cannot stress enough, the importance, of us ceasing, the cycle of, emotional abuse. Whether conciously or subconsciously, we are inflicting our traumas upon our children. Regardless of what we believe, our children are not ignorant to our struggles, poor decisions, and pain. Far too many of us, have been damaged by, the choices, of parents who never cared about, the effects their choices, had on us.

As a result of unresolved trauma, and hidden truths, parents today, are mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and some, even physically, and sexually, repeating the mistreatment, that we, as children, received.

Too many of us, as parents, would like to believe, that divorce, financial struggles, poverty, absentee parents, drug abuse, and parentification, doesn’t affect our children, in their adult years. The truth is, our children are gravely affected. Oftentimes, their exposure to our mistakes makes them more suseptible to repeating cycles; causing them, to very likely, battle with mental illness.

The mental health of my children, was greatly affected, by the toxicity of my marriage, and the trauma caused by my divorce. For years, my son, my baby boy, has struggled from the hurt of, feeling a lack of a father’s love.

His tears, yesterday, broke my heart. My SONshine was afraid, broken, and yearning to matter…be seen…feel loved, by his father.

No matter how many times we try, we, as parents, cannot fill the void of the absent parent. I have attempted, to give my son, more love, more attention, more help, and more support, as a way of overcompensating for the things his father, neglected to do. Noah says, that he is determined, to be different from his dad, all while unintentionally, becoming like him. As a mother, the love I have for my children, drives me to become better, and do better, in order that, my children do better, and have better lives than me.

I purposely speak life into them, and share my mistakes. I now seek healthier relationships, and better choices for myself, in the hopes that, their lives will be better, than what mine turned out to be.

When we fail to acknowledge our faults, and do not commit to enact change, we simply repeat cycles. His dad, failing to show up, on special occasions, failing to help when it was really needed, treating him; a teenage boy, as if he were a grown man, failing to respect his opinion, and showing disrespect to me, his mother, has only served, to have a repeat of generational trauma, on my baby boy.

For us, as adults, to believe, because we made it through the absence and neglect, from our parents, that our children are grown, and don’t need our help, equates to negligence. We can’t keeping thinking, that hiding secrets, not having conversations with our children, condoning inappropriate behaviors and unhealthy relationships, while remaining silent about immoral behaviors, and a lack of value, is ok. Protecting our children, includes the entire child; mind, body, and spirit; no matter the age. The attempt to break the cycle, requires work. Therapy, and the intentionality, of using our learned coping skills, in order to break the cycle, is necessary.

The immense pain that I felt, for my son, yesterday, was all too familiar. I saw, and felt, the hurt of a broken child, who was neglected, and ignored, by the father he seeks approval from. Even in my worry, and brokenness, I laid hands on my son. While he was in that hospital bed, I prayed hard. I asked God to continue to watch over, and protect him. I prayed, for God, to heal his body, put his mind at ease, renew his spirit, and mend his broken heart. Forever, and no matter the circumstances, I will continue to pray, that all of my children, find true love, have healthy bonds, and respectful relationships, that foster loving and healthy marriages. Finally, my prayer is, that I can continue, to be transparent with my children, in order to break the generational curses, that continue to destroy relationships, families, and communities.

Together, let’s allow the traumas from our childhood, to give us the strength and determination, “to talk about it”, allow us, to become better parents than what we had, and enable our children to become better versions, of the broken adults, many of us have become. It’s time for an immediate change. Without the necessary change, we will continue to create more absent fathers and negligent mothers. After all, we are parents for life.

Dani 💋❤️

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Turning the Pain into My Prayerful Purpose

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