Finally, another week is coming to an end. What a long week it has been; beautiful as well. I can’t believe that I have actually gotten away. Just think…I actually wasn’t going to go, but I’m thankful that I did. This was a much needed break, and I’ve enjoyed every moment. The best part is that I’ve made connections, and touched lives. I’ve even overcome another hurdle in my recovery process; for that, I am both excited and thankful.
It hasn’t been easy, taking time to actually do for myself, go where and when I want to, do what i would like to do for myself whenever I want to, and when I want to. The financial instability has been taking a toll on me. Therefore, I often feel guilty when I want to do anything for myself.
Years ago, when my recovery began, I realized that, the only way I could begin to heal would be to DO THE WORK. It was at this time, that the process of my healing began. After years of trial and error, trying various therapists and modalities, that I found what truly works for me. Most importantly, I found a therapist that is the right fit for me. Finally realizing that using the coping skills actually work, I was on my way to healing. During this process, I found that I was also able to use my acquired skills to assist others, who were also, in recovery.
The key to me finding the correct coping skills for me, was self awareness. I had to be completely transparent about my traumas and triggers. When we know these things, it is easy to know what works best to counteract them. I learned that ensuring that I was productive and able to help others allowed me to stay mentally well, yet I also needed to enjoy life. My inability to vacation and do things for myself, triggers my depression. At the same time, I still feel the need to put those I love first.
I met a beautiful soul tonight. They told me they wanted to die. This broke my heart. I understood the feeling of hopelessness they described, and how they felt they were a burden. Not knowing this person, I felt the need to speak life into them. One day, someone spoke life into me. If they hadn’t, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to enjoy the love and joy of life’s experiences that I have now.
It wasn’t easy, but I eventually realized that life won’t be easy. We have to put in some of the work. If we give up, we’ll miss out on so many of the simple pleasures and experiences that await us. When we cut our lives short, we miss time with important people.
God sees you struggling. He sees your pain. He knows you’re hurting. Like I told the beautiful soul tonight, like I continue to tell myself, I’ll tell you:
This test…whatever it may be…is only temporary. It may be painful and overwhelming. You may feel as if you’ve done all you can do. Allow God to fix it, and leave it with Him, and everything will be alright. Just Remember to keep the faith, and don’t give up; it’s only a test. Life is worth living, so when God is ready for us, He will call. He doesn’t need our assistance. UNTIL THEN, KEEP LIVING BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO DIE!
Dani💋❤️
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Dying to be Perfect 