MEAN GIRLS GO TO CHURCH TOO

“Church is a hospital for the sick, not a hotel for the saints”. This is what my former pastor, Monsignor Miller, used to always say. He believed that we all deserve a pass, and he gave them repeatedly to anyone that he felt needed one. I too believe that we are all sinners struggling to figure out where we fit in, and how to manage in this crazy world we live in. Although we are all trying to figure life out, many people are in judgement of others, yet we are all sinners.

The statement that my pastor made was true, however, as Christians, this gives us no excuse to repeatedly commit the same sin. Although God is the only one to judge us, when we are living examples to the unchurched, our actions can be the determining factor for why they do or do not turn away from God. As Christians, we are supposed to GLOW DIFFERENTLY…ACT DIFFERENTLY…BE DIFFERENT…TREAT PEOPLE DIFFERENTLY. If we, as Christians, are turning the CHURCHED away from God with our biases, cliques, unfair treatment and nasty attitudes, what could we possibly be doing to the UNCHURCHED?

In my opinion, although we will never be perfect, we should strive for perfection in the ways that we treat people with love, kindness, gentleness, consideration, compassion, compromise, and how we serve one another. Rather than most of us striving for perfection, I find that there are more people who are concerned with looking perfect and pretending to be perfect. They are covering up the outside, but on the inside, they are Dying to be Perfect. Because we are not a perfect people, and I too, struggle with striving to achieve perfection; yet failing, I give others latitude in their imperfections. When it comes to bullying, however, with adults, especially in church; there is no tolerance.

When I am attempting to bring others to Christ, the main reason they state for not attending church is because “the biggest sinners are in church“. I never allow anyone else to keep me from going where I want to go, and I refuse to allow others to bully me; yet many people lack the emotional fortitude to stand up to bullies or speaking out against bullying itself. Victims are afraid to tell why they leave church until they are already gone. This is disgusting to me because as Christians, our mission is to bring others to Christ through our service, love, kindness, etc. When we fail to be welcoming to others in the church that we want them to attend, we are definitely missing the mark.

We cannot control the actions of others; however, we can hold them accountable. If we continue to make excuses for the MEAN GIRLS and Perfect Christians that sit in the pews at church, in positions of power at work and even our friend circles and families, hurting souls and those in need will continue to walk away. They will leave our churches or remain UNCHURCHED. They will cease trying to reconnect with family and walk away at the first sign of conflict.

Everywhere we go; work, home, school, social settings, etc., there is alienation and exclusion. The hate and competition among us, is saddening. Within our families and in our friend circles, we continuously see infighting and sabotage…all among so called Christians…THE MEAN GIRLS…the privileged.

Church, for some is nothing more than a social gathering. For me, church is true worship and the opportunity to interact and fellowship with my church family. It is the time for me to evangelize to those who need God’s healing, and who need to feel the same love and sense of community that I do. We cannot allow the MEAN GIRLS to spill their misery on us, and we cannot allow them to continue to be at the forefront of the church, while running people away with their stuck-up attitudes, entitled feelings and lack of self-worth.

More and more, statistics show that adults are both BULLIED and are BULLIES. According to these statistics, thirty-one percent of adults say that they were bullied, and forty-three percent say that no one did anything about them being bullied. ” What defines an adult bully is if they regularly make others feel oppressed, belittled, humiliated, or de-energized. The cruel actions that often lead to those feelings include personal insults, ridiculing jokes, threats, public shaming, invasion of another’s personal space, or unwanted personal contact.” According to Psychology Today, what most people refer to as “mean girl behavior” is really relational aggression. This type of bullying is specifically designed to destroy social relationships. The aggression is directed toward a specific individual for the purpose of alienating them and harming their social status. When The Mean Girls participate in bullying, they are aiming to make the targeted individual look bad to others by telling lies on or about the individual.

Unfortunately, bullying is taking place in our church pews, right by the very people who are supposed to be helping to save souls; The MEAN GIRLS are helping to destroy lives through the mental abuse they are inflicting through their bullying. No longer can we remain quiet. When our youth and young adults refuse to trust us…those who want to enact change… because of THE MEAN GIRLS and boys…When the unchurched no longer want to attend because of the unwelcoming MEAN GIRLS and the alienation…and finally, when you can no longer get people to participate because those who want to participate see church as a social gathering rather than a ministry for saving lives and giving hope, it is time to stand up.

We are one of four people. We are either THE MEAN GIRLS and boys, their victims, or those who stand against them, or we are the ones who watch the mess they cause and do nothing. In this day and time, when we, as a society, are battling things that are unimaginable to some people, we have to do better with the way that we treat people. We, as church goers, and as Christians, have a duty to simply be kind. It is embarrassing to be turned down for a church invite due to the experience that someone had with what they consider a so-called Christian.

Finally, in addition to bullying simply being naturally wrong, studies show that it can also cause mental health issues later in life, and ultimately, with some victims, result in suicide. No one can undo the behaviors that they have already exhibited, but we can all begin new behaviors moving forward. Now is the time to change behaviors that do not align with our Christian walk. When we are followers of Christ, others should see it through our actions. Don’t be a MEAN GIRL WHO GOES TO CHURCH TOO.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

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MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!!

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