HAPPY DIVORCESERVERSARY

I wasn’t going to post this, but after the day I had, here it is.

Today is December3, 2022, and I WOULD be celebrating my twenty-fourth wedding anniversary. Instead, I am HAPPILY celebrating FINALLY being divorced. YES! today I say to me HAPPY DIVORCESERVERSARY! I am THANKFUL…I am HAPPY…I am at PEACE...I am FREE.

In my hurt, while reflecting on the previous twenty plus years of my life, especially while married to my recent narc, I felt that I had wasted years of my life. I was angry to say the least. After losing myself, forgetting who I was, having the lies of the one person who was supposed to have my back ruin my character, destroy my family, and destroy my relationships really hurt me. It mentally and emotionally traumatized me. I hit MY rock bottom.

As I awoke today, as I have for the past three anniversaries, I was not with the man I married…vowed to die with…changed for…lowered my standards for...stood by...encouraged…tried to build with…raised children with and absolutely placed before myself. I nearly cursed the numerous times that this man labeled me selfish and manipulative when I have been everything but. I realized that I loved my children and my husband more than I loved myself. For all of these years, everything that I had done, I did for my family. I had always put them first, and still it wasn’t enough. For narcissists, we never will be. Nothing we do will ever be enough.

Because I “talked back” and “wasn’t submissive” and was “disobedient”; because I refused to relent, I was considered damaged. I was repeatedly told that I had “daddy issues” and “needed to see a professional”. The sacrifices I made were in vain. While I was putting my family first, I was accused of working too much and putting everything else first. Slowly but surely, over time, he still continued to berate me, I began to lose…my sanity, my peace, my independence…my self- worth. Yet, when the dust settled, there I was… all ALONE. Back then, I was HURTING…LOST…abandoned again, by another person; a man, nonetheless, who was supposed to care…to protect…to love. Another who promised to be different; yet here he was acting like the rest when the doors were closed…blaming me. Knowing my health was taking a hit, as always, he was refusing to be fair. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED IS WHAT HE WANTED….ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE IN CONTROL…NEVER CARING ABOUT MY FEELINGS, AND BLAMING ME FOR HAVING THEM. No matter how fair or peaceful I tried to be, nothing was good enough. This was so confusing. Surely, he had to be on drugs. He couldn’t possibly think had to be using drugs to think he was going to leave me with his debt and no way to repay it while he and his mistress ran off into the sunset. What man leaves his wife and children with his unpaid debt and tries to use his family and mistress to lie based on the untruths he tells them? All of this while I am begging for three years to allow me to move on with my life…yet he refuses. These are the reasons I am celebrating and thanking God for this Happy Divorceserversary.

The person chose to put himself first when he left me…our family…the marriage, and chose to do what he wanted. For some reason, he has been upset for years now, that I am doing the same. It is because narccicists are convinced that our lives revolve around them. He used to tell me repeatedly that he couldn’t be responsible for my happiness. The problem was that he wanted to be, I didn’t want or need him to be. He was convinced that he knew what I wanted/needed rather than listen to me and then get mad and tell me that I was unappreciative. All I have wanted was to love on my family…enjoy my friends, live with no regrets, help re-build our community and re-engage our youth; strengthen my relationship with God and just KEEP on LIVING. I have wasted too much time begging this man to release this hold on me…using my technological weaknesses to his advantage, and crippling me by way of financial abuse yet being untruthful about what he has really done.

Even with all of this taking place, I still had a feeling of absolute relief in my spirit…PURE JOY. Actually signing those papers was God’s way of comforting me. He had to ensure me that this process is almost over, and that He has my steps ordered. Whatever is forthcoming, I am confident that as long as I continue to stay on the path He has purposed for me, I have learned enough in my experience and have prayed and listened so I know how to love without losing myself in the process. Never again will I make any moves that will place me or my children at a disadvantage. I have lost too much already. I suspect his displeaseure is because I am happy. I have dispelled his myth that no one will love me like him and I will never be happy with out him. I AM FINALLY AT PEACE AND HAPPILY DIVORCED.

After all of the tears… Struggling …pleading…This final chapter of my life, I shed tears of JOY…TRIUMPH...PRAISE and VICTORY. My feelings of anger, hurt, and resentment over all that I have gone through no longer exist. It took a lot of prayer in order to come to terms with the fact that my mental health needed a tune up in order for me to make it through. I could no longer attempt to deny the damage this narc had done. I am accepting of where I am and I am healed and free to fully love and be lived again. I am happy to know that God saw it fit to have me experience love several times in this lifetime. That confirmed for me how amazing I am as a woman, and that I am worthy of all that I desire. The fact that I was married to a Dr. Jeckyl Mr. Hyde, is not my fault or responsibility.

Although thiings ended abruptly…suddenly...surprisingly...badly, there were a few decent years. Unfortunately, One thing about a narcissist is when they are good they are good, and when they are bad they are really bad. Just like the marriage.. When it was good, it was great, but when it was bad it was HELL ON EARTH.Nonetheless, my humility never allowed me to lose sight of the fact that everything I went through was worth the experience of having a beautiful family. Having all that mattered to me was snatched away by hate and deceit, but the evil of this world no longer blinds me to the fact that in spite of what did and is taking place, there were still years that I shared beautifuI memories and created four beautiful blessings.

I continue to be thankful for God’s protection, Saving Grace, and His Mercy that has been granted to me constantly through many trials and tribulations. On this day, rather than being sad, lonely, crying and wondering, I have been preparing for my future. I have been making plans as I have continued to do for the past year, as I patiently listen amd move into the direction that God should have me to go. This walk; though challenging and sometimes scary, is exciting. I am walking into it with confidence and happiness, continued faith and a peace like never before. This time, at fifty two, I am walking with clarity. My mind is more centered on Christ, and the purpose that He has for me is clear.

After loving a narcissist for over twenty years, and trying to protect my children and keep the peace in the household, I can finally love me FULLY. The problem is that I was always made to feel that I was never doing enough for him, no matter what I did. I either did too much or not enough. Now I see that he simply didn’t want me happy unless he was the one creating it. If I did something for myself or someone else did something for me, he complained and called me spoiled and selfish. Still…after nearly four years of being estranged, he complains of the same thing; refuses to let me be at peace…fighting the inevitable…telling half truths…creating false records…using his family and friends and mistress to tell lies based on false information…But today, I CAN FINALLY SAY HAPPY DIVORCERVERSERY TO ME!

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think that I would be celebrating the end of such a sacred union as marriage. Although the sactiity of my marriage had lost its way long ago, I geninely loved my husband, and not knowing what I know now about narcissism, I would have done whatever it took to work things out in order to prevent yet another marriage from failing. What I know now, however, what no one ever told me, Is that risking our peace of mind and allowing ANYONE to destroy our mental health is not ok ever…under any circumstances. People treat us the way we allow them to, and we must set our standards and expectations in the beginning. And it is ok for us to walk away.

Yes, I am blessed! I proudly tell my story of love gained and lost. Little by little, as the layers shed, as one phase ends and another begins, I boldly tell the story of MY LIFE from MY PERSPECTIVE. While some believe this is about placing blame, being bitter or not being healed, this is about saving others from the pain that comes along with being in a relationship with a narcissist. Sharing, being transparent, speaking up may save someone else from all of the mental, emotional financial, and often physical abuse that is associated with these relationships. I never suggest that anyone leave their marrige. I do however, tell everyone to love themselves and do what makes them happy. Life is too short for anything else.

Dani

Dying to Be Perfect 🥰

MIND, Body, Spirit,

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!!

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